i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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