Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
