my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
