at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
