went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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