We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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