Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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