Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
