Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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