Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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