i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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