She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
