tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
