take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
