I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
