You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
