Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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