I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
