I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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