It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
