Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
