I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
