She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize