she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
