She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
