You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
