I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
