Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
