i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
