Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
