Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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