What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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