Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
