You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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