my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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