was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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