Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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