I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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