So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
