There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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