I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think people are normalizing furries
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
