I seem to have left my pride at pride
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
