would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
