Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
