i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
