Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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