you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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