did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
