Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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