Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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