Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
