you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
