A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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