Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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