Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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