is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
