so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I smell like Dick and happiness
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