im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
