I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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