I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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